December 2007 Archives
Got a pair of heels in the back of the closet that you just don't have a reason to wear? Okay, I've got more than a few pair. It's not often that I wear my stilettos (or "throw-me-down" shoes, as my Mom calls them) to the park or grocery store. I don't go out often enough to justify them, or buying any new ones.
Welcome to Hello Stiletto Shoe Club. The sister of a friend of mine started the charter club in Boston, and it's now in 9 different cities, including Atlanta. No fees, no commitment. Just attend one of their events and wear your favorite shoes. Most of the events are at bars or clubs, and there are gifts for the "most unusual" or "best shoes" of the evening. Because of scheduling, I've only been able to attend one event so far, but I'm planning on going to more. Here are the shoes I wore that night. Not incredibly snazzy, but they did get an appreciative nod from one of the judges.
The purple ones on the right are mine.
Anyway, check out Hello Stiletto Shoe Club if you get a chance. If anything, it's a nice excuse to go out and wear those incredibly impractical shoes you own.
I'm amused by this blogger's post about Oprah. I can't say that I hate Oprah (or anyone for that matter). She has done some amazingly generous things with her celebrity. However, I have felt unnerved by a few things mentioned in the post as well.
A wise mother learns each day
from quiet listening.
Her parenting springs from her
children's changing needs.
An average mother hears the
lessons but wonders how to be,
and forgets what she learns.
She is often filled with guilt and
is indecisive and irritable.
A foolish mother dismisses
what her soul hears in favor of
what the experts tell her.
She is rigid and controlling,
boastful and full of fear.
The best parenting springs from
simple love. The wise attune
themselves to a child's true need
and steadfastly follow it. Thus,
they cannot be called "permissive"
or "harsh."
What is right for each child
may not be right for all children.
What is right cannot always be
proven in a laboratory.
-from The Tao of Motherhood
I did a search for a local company today and ended up finding a blog post about it. Well, that was a family blog written by a mother and I followed some links of her to other blogs written by mommies. One of those blogs led to more links, and more, until I ended up at a blog called Living Out Loud.
...That I can do anything through Christ Jesus.....I am strong....in Him... and He loves you deeply....with no reservation.....you have tremendous value & worth to Him
I read this post of hers, and I've been sitting her for about 15 minutes thinking of nothing but that. So many feelings are running through me right now. Feelings of sympathy (this poor woman), empathy (too many words were too close to home), anger (how could this be done to her?), admiration (I can only wish for her strength), and jealousy.
Yes, jealousy.
I admire her greatly for what she has been able to do, with such a strong faith in God that she can overcome the most basic feelings of anger within her and make herself a better person because of what was done to her. I'm jealous, because I'm not sure I have that strength. I'm not sure I could have such... forgiveness without being hardened by it. I forgave my dad (twice) for the things he had done to our family, but I didn't do it without putting a little steel cage on my heart. In the end, I was betrayed again. That steel cage is now locked and sealed. How can a person be so open and trusting again? Does it require a faith? Does it require God? Is that the answer?
2007 was such an introspective year for me. A lot of time was spent looking at myself, at how I react with other people, at my previous actions, and rethinking about what I want to be, what I want others to perceive, the type of person I want to be. A large part of it has also been an exploration of my spirituality.
I'm an atheist. There. I said it. Few know this about me. In fact, without wanting to, my best friend recently made a joke asking me if I was. When I didn't reply at first, she asked again. And again. Incredulously. We were on the phone, and when I finally answered yes, I was met with silence. Dead silence. Lasting at least 10 seconds long. Do you know how long 10 seconds is when you're on the phone with someone? A lifetime. I finally asked if she was still there and she stammered back that she was. "Really? REALLY?" she kept saying. "But I thought that you prayed at night." No. I assured her that being an atheist did NOT mean that I didn't have a very strict set of morals (largely borrowed from Christianity, thank you very much) that I instill in my children on a daily basis.
We've since moved past our differences. (She later assured me that she loved me as a friend no matter what, easing my fears that I'd lost a friend due to my revelation.) No more talk about religion or politics. We differ drastically on those as well. {smile}
Living in the South -- in the Bible Belt -- has definitely exposed me to levels of Christianity that I hadn't known before. Growing up, my mother was a non-practicing Baptist. My father was a non-practicing Greek Orthodox. My mother converted, and she and my siblings and I were baptized Greek Orthodox (but only once we were old enough to make the decision ourselves, not at birth.) We attended church semi-regularly for two or three years, but then my parents got fed up with church politics and hypocracy and declared that our own house was as good a place to worship God as any other. What counted was the sincerity in your heart.
Over the years, my parents exposed us to many religions as well. Our closest family friends were Jewish and we celebrated Passover with them on occasion. I attended Catholic schools. One of my best friends was Hindu, and let me attend Hindu ceremonies with her family. I was a religious mutt. I loved learning about all the different beliefs and cultures... but none of them felt like "home." I just couldn't make myself truly believe in any of them. And I didn't want to force it or pretend.
Over the years I explored a few other religions. Buddhism seemed like the best fit for a while before I found Taoism. I read the Tao te Ching when I was in high school and it was as if I'd settled into a warm bath. With candles. And wine. A big sigh of relief. Now here was something that fit like a glove. I can't say that I've followed it or lived "The Way" as closely as I would have liked over the years. I still don't believe in any sort of anthropomorphic God. Science still plays a bigger part in my view of the world than mysticism does.
Still, I wouldn't call myself a Taoist. I'll never be able to give my spirituality a label because, to me, it's truly a personal thing. To me, anything already labeled was done so because they were the beliefs of that person.
I have a feeling that 2008 will be a further exploration of what I do believe and where I see it fitting in with my daily life. I've found a truly wonderful book called The Tao of Motherhood and I read a passage from it every night. It's basically the Tao te Ching from the perspective of parenting. I can't begin to tell you how much this has done to my outlook each day and how I approach some of the challenges of being a mom. It's what I needed. A time-out. Time each day to reflect on my the type of person I am. Self-awareness. My version of church services on Sunday.
What does this have to do with that woman's blog post? Well, I read what she wrote about her love of God and Jesus and I was jealous of that act of faith. Jealous that she had a God to trust and lean back on. Trust that someone, something, would always be there to take care of her. It must be nice. I can't say that I'll ever feel that depth of trust. And I guess that's exactly what I'm referring to when I always talk about being able to "fall back on your faith." It really is like falling back, isn't it? Like the "trust fall" at one of those work retreats.
So the part of my beliefs that I'm struggling with is the part that deals with disappointment and hurt and fear -- all those basic emotions. I've never relied or fallen back on anything. Ever. I've been the one to get myself through those times. But you know what? I'm 30 years old and I'm starting to get tired. Really tired. How nice it would be to just let it all go each day. To just let go and fall back back back, knowing that something would be there to catch you.
You'll probably be seeing more posts about this in the coming year. Now that I've "outed" myself, I feel the freedom to write about some of the things I'm discovering and learning along the way. I told myself when I started this blog that I would never discuss religion and politics. I didn't want to invite any debates about things so close to everyone's heart. And I still feel that way. I truly respect the journey each person makes in discovering their beliefs, and I hope that everyone will respect mine. I'm not looking to be converted or persuaded in any way. As I said before, this is a journey I'm making, a personal one. Anything with a label just won't fit, and I don't feel like going on a spiritual diet.
I have made two great discoveries in the past few months. These aren't your run-of-the-mill discoveries either. Oh no. Christopher Columbus had nothing on this.
#1. Kroger. The grocery store. But not just any Kroger. The Kroger located in Marietta, GA, that provides free childcare while you shop. True? You better believe it.
Now, we have a Kroger only about 2 miles from our house, but guess where I've gone for my grocery shopping the past month or so? Yep, I've driven 12 miles away to the one in the suburbs. It's the only one I've ever heard of, but the store has a childcare center inside where you can check your kids in (must be potty-trained) and shop for two hours. There are TVs located throughout the store with video feed into the area so you can watch your kids playing too. Once you're done with your shopping, you stop back by to pick up the kids, at which time they give them each a balloon and cookie. How awesome is that???? Maddie and Josie have been begging me to let them go to the grocery store each week.
I couldn't quite understand how this worked, so I asked Miss Gwen (the childcare director) that first day we went.
So how does this work? Is there a monthly fee? No, it's free.
Do I need to be a Kroger Card Member? (I am, but I wanted to know otherwise) No, you don't have to be.
So are the prices higher here? I haven't noticed any difference in these compared to the other stores, so am I missing something? No, they just offer this service. I'm not sure how, but all I know is that they pay me a salary to do this. It's great, isn't it?
It sure is! The couple of times I have gone have really changed the way I grocery shop. Before, I'd take the girls with me during the day, but there would inevitably be bathroom breaks (once we were on the complete opposite side of the store) and eventually whining and getting antsy and pulling things off the shelves and putting them in the cart (later wondering why our bill came to $100 for only a few basics, and why did I get 6 bags of marshmallows?...) That became more hassle than necessary so Bill or I would shop late at night after the girls were in bed. I actually didn't mind my 11pm grocery store trips. No crowds. Now, though, I go during the day and take my time, read the labels on everything, stop to browse through the magazines, you name it. Now if only the stores near us would catch on to this as well. I guess there is something to be said for living in the 'burbs.
#2. As if that weren't enough, there's more goodness. I've recently discovered a place called Coffee Park (close to above grocery store). What is it? It's a coffeehouse... and an indoor playground. Yeah? Yeah? You gettin' me? You can go and check your kids in (ages 9 months to 5 years) and let them play in an indoor play area, enclosed by glass, while you sip your coffee and read your book. It's supervised play too, and the girls who work inside are great and really interact with the kids. The play area isn't too shabby. There's a little play kitchen area, a "garden" with plastic vegetables, a puppet theater, a gigantic slide and climbing gym, dollhouse, dress-up clothes, a train table, a giant racetrack rug with cars and trucks, building blocks, babydolls, and more. There's also a separate area for the 9-24 month olds, with baby toys and a gate so the bigger kids can't get in (or the little ones out). I met my friends Carolyn and Angel there last week and we had the best time chatting while our kids played. Now that the weather has turned colder, I have a feeling we'll be there at least once a week. The best part is the price. It's only $5 per kid, with only $1 more for additional siblings. Total for 4 hours of playtime: $6 plus the cost of my caramel latte.
The shop is owned by one of the moms from my mommies group and it's brilliant. It's nice and relaxing, and not at all like those indoor inflatable jumpy-thing places. Don't get me wrong -- those places are great and they really prime the kids for a good nap after they've been jumping around for a while, but they're also pretty stressful. I find myself constantly chasing around both girls, trying to help them climb into whatever bouncy thing they want, while simultaneously trying to make sure they each don't get trampled on by bigger kids. Inevitably, they have fun until one of them gets bumped a little too hard and then crying ensues and we end up leaving. I'm not the overprotective mother type, and my kids aren't wussies -- they're just small little girls who aren't used to rough-housing in the form of 10 year old boys. It's enough to bring on small heart attacks.
The idea of making someplace kid-friendly is absolutely genius, even when it's the most basic of places (clowns juggling while I pump my gas, a magic show at the post office, the possibilities are endless.) I encourage all businesses to consider this. If you do make changes like this, I promise to not only shop at your store (daily), but I'll also bring at least 3 other moms with me each time I visit. How's that for incentive?
Please don't send any cards to "A recovering American soldier" this year:
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. (Dec. 11) - Hundreds of thousands of holiday cards and letters thanking wounded American troops for their sacrifice and wishing them well never reach their destination. They are returned to sender or thrown away unopened.
Since the Sept. 11 attacks and the anthrax scare, the Pentagon and the Postal Service have refused to deliver mail addressed simply to "Any Wounded Soldier" for fear terrorists or opponents of the war might send toxic substances or demoralizing messages.
More here:
I took Josie to her dentist appointment yesterday. She and Maddie both have "deep crevices" in their teeth, which means that sometimes cavities will occur no matter how much you brush and floss. Josie had a sealant put on her molars to help keep food from getting so stuck in her teeth.
Josie was great and the whole process only took about 20 minutes (pediatric dentists are the way to go! they are trained to be fast and get the whole thing done and over with.) While she was working, she noted that Josie had another chip in one of her lower incisors. (Josie chipped one of her upper teeth last year pretty badly and had to have a cap put on it.) Now this lower one is chipped a little, but it's only a small surface one so it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. The kid is only 2 years old and has already had more dental work than I had in my first 5 years of life. I asked the dentist what the problem was. She said that Josie just has very fragile teeth.
Dentist: This poor baby must have been through a lot. Did she have any troubles at birth?
Me: Well, yes, she had a problem with her esophagus and she currently has alleriges and eczema and wears glasses.
D: No, no, I mean in the womb. Did you have any problems during your pregnancy?
Me: Um, no, other than having Braxton Hicks starting in my 6th month. Otherwise, no.
D: Hmm. There had to be something.
Me: Why?
D: Well, the baby teeth are formed while they're still in the womb, so the problems with her teeth now are a result of whatever happened while you were pregnant. Did anything happen? Was there a problem?
Me: No, not really.
D: Hmm. {and she shakes her head and scrunches her brows while she continues to work}
It was all I could do to keep the tears from flowing. She's usually a very nice woman, but she has no idea what kind of stab in the heart her comments were. As if there isn't already enough about which to feel guilty, let's add that I'm responsible for my kid's weak teeth. I made it through the rest of the appointment, but on the way home my mind just raced, trying to remember every little detail about what happened during my pregnancy with Josie. What did I DO?
I got home and called Bill to update him on Josie's appointment and ended up just bawling into the phone. I kept asking him if he remembered anything different about the pregnancy. He assured me there was nothing different, that I actually ate healthier with Josie (due to different cravings) and that there was nothing to worry about. He definitely made me feel better and took away some of the guilt I was feeling.
Thinking back on yesterday, though, makes me so angry. I hate to completely attack the dentist because she is a nice woman and (I hope) didn't realize what she was implying. However, it was a really awful thing to say, especially to a mother. Josie has had some challenges, and we are extremely lucky that what she has faced has really been small in the grand scheme of things, but would this woman have said something like that to the parent of a child with a more serious health problem? Say, a child with Downs Syndrome or Cystic Fibrosis? Would she sit there and interrogate the mother about what she did during her pregnancy?
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As if yesterday weren't enough, today we had to take Josie in to get tested for diabetes. Over the past couple of weeks, Bill and I have noticed that Josie has to use the restroom at least every 20-30 minutes. She also drinks all the time and even wakes up in the middle of the night crying for a cup of water. Two major signs of juvenile diabetes. There is a little history of diabetes on my mother's side, so that made us more diligent about getting her tested.
Needless to say, I was extremely nervous most of this morning and afternoon before her appointment. I took her in, talked to the doctor, and then we were sent for lab tests. Josie needed to have some blood drawn, as well as give a urine sample. Well, as I waited in line to sign us in at the desk, Josie ended up having an accident in the middle of the waiting room. The staff were extremely understanding, but worried that there would be difficulty in getting a urine sample again. I assured them it wouldn't (and only 15 minutes later, we were able to get one.)
The blood test was the absolute worst. I put Josie in my lap (wet pants and all -- I was soaked afterwards) and held her while they tried to draw blood on one arm. The lab tech was relatively new and had so much trouble finding a vein. The odd thing was, though, that he didn't remove the needle and try again. He just kept the needle in her arm and rotated it inside her arm, looking for a vein. You could see the needle moving underneath the skin. Josie was screaming, my hands were shaking as I tried to hold her, and I kept staring at this guy, thinking It's probably time to give up now!! What are you doing??? FINALLY, he decides to call it quits and takes the needle out. He puts a bandaid on her arm and Josie calms down a little. At this point sweat is dripping down my face and I'm already starting to see black spots, things going in and out of Technicolor. I put Josie down, who immediately runs over to Maddie to show her the Daffy Duck bandaid and I slump down in the chair. The techs were great and immediately brought me some OJ and some tissues to wipe my face. It took about 5 minutes for me to get back to normal. I've passed out a few times before, but never when I've had the kids with me or in a situation like that. I mean, it sucks to start feeling sick to your stomach like that and see things spinning and going black, but to ALSO try to mentally keep track of your kids and what else is going on around you is even worse.
After a little break, we decided to try Josie's other arm. Thankfully, another tech came over to do it this time. One prick and she was in and the blood was drawn in less than 10 seconds. THANK YOU! I'm not sure I could take any more of the needle jabbing. Josie cried, but she was such a trooper and once she got her Wiley Coyote bandaid to go with the Daffy Duck one, she was set. She even understood and agreed to have her other arm checked after the first try. She said, "I don't want any more shots" and when I said that it would be just one more, she held out her arm and squeezed her little fist like they had told her to do, and nodded her head.
Afterwards, we went back up to pediatrics to wait for her doctor to talk to us about the test results (I do love how our HMO works -- everything is in the same building -- my OB is right across the hall from the pediatrician, the lab is downstairs across from the pharmacy -- it is SO easy with kids.) My stomach started rumbling while we were waiting and I was sure I was going to be sick at any moment. I just didn't want my little girl to have to face something else. After a while, the doc called us in. He didn't say anything at first, but just looked at me and gave me the thumbs-up sign. WHEW! All the breath I'd been holding up until that point just came out in one big sigh. It turns out that her numbers are all normal -- blood sugar, ketones, proteins, etc. No problems with blood sugar or with her kidneys or anything. The kid just likes to drink water and therefore ends up using the bathroom a lot because she's so hydrated! Aaack! The doc did say that the symptoms we noticed were the type that would point to juvenile diabetes, but in this case things were okay. Hallelujah! After the experience with the blood test, I'm not sure I would have been the best candidate to give her daily insulin injections anyway!
I'm sitting her writing this and it's all I can do not to fall asleep on the couch. It has been a rough couple of weeks, off and on, and I'm just drained. Christmas is my favorite time of year, though, so I'm determined not to let any bad thoughts ruin my holiday. I'm keeping positive and am enjoying every minute of this time with the girls. Like Disney World, Christmas is becoming more and more exciting as a parent. The girls are already thinking about what kind of cookies they want to leave Santa and if the reindeer will eat lots of carrots or just a few.
Then again, it might not be so bad to just fall asleep right here on the couch anyway, drifting off in the lights of the Christmas tree.
